Monday, May 30, 2011

What do to with sadness...

I've had a heavy heart lately. I know that it's a mixture of transition, disappointment, frustration and fear. All of it leaves me feeling unsure and sad. Normally I approach change with an open heart, but I am just not able to reach that spot right now. I am hoping that some of it is simply stress of the term ending and with the submission of my final portfolio, that these feelings will be lessened. I am hoping that with settling into a new pattern of life, I will be able to address it in a meaningful way. But, right now I am more inclined to lay on the bed screaming, "life's not fair!" A pretty thought, am I right?

I know I have been here before. I also know that life will get better. Yet right now, it's taking all I have to live simply, gently and at home in myself. So, I am going to take my mama's advice and go lay on my bed for a while and remind myself, that this too shall pass.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Everyone needs an indulgent day.

Today I have done absolutely nothing related to school and it feels great! I really should to be writing my last paper, but you know what, I'm not. I needed this day. I haven't had a day like this in almost two years. I woke up early, took a shower and crawled right back into bed. I watched really questionable TV for three hours before convincing my hubs he should crawl back in bed with me. We had a long lunch out, including the yummiest dessert ever. After which I indulged him by accompanying him to Home Depot and not complaining once. Then we came home and tinkered around the apartment. I attempted to give Marty a hair cut (poor dog!) and bath while the hubs played video games, we planted flowers and cut some wood for our chiminea. Next on the agenda is a trip to PetSmart and a stop at YoCreme. Then we'll come home and lay on the couch all evening watching Season 1 of Six Feet Under before dragging ourselves to bed too late. Tomorrow I will return to working on papers, getting my curriculum ready, finishing my semi-annual report for work, church and preparing the house and laundry for the upcoming week. But that's tomorrow. For right now, I indulge...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Deeeeeeeep breath.

It's been a rough morning around here. Team Mongoose struggles with Sundays. Lots of transitions happen on Sundays. Someone is either coming or going and that increases anxiety. When I look at it with my therapist brain, it makes total sense. Transition is hard, even when you are prepared for it. Transitioning between what might seem like two completely different cultures, even harder.

I am starting to feel anxiety about Sundays, which is a shame. It's one of my goals, when I have a life back that no longer includes mandatory readings and paper writing, to really start working on this. We have to find a new way to manage this in our home. Perhaps a celebration aspect could be added? I am not sure. Anyone out there have ideas? I would be in very deep appreciation for any wisdom you could offer.