It's mine so hush...

For the last few months I have been squirreling away money.  I have a great second job that I love and allows me currently to put a bit away in savings.  I had been putting it in there without real intent for a couple of months, and as the spring progressed we re-engaged in talks about putting up a fence. Since we bought the house, almost three years ago, we have dreamt and designed the fence a thousand times.  Sometimes it had port holes, other times it was a fancy mix of brick and wood, other times it was all stone work and yet other times it was varying heights and textures.  We even had folks come out and give us an estimate of how much it would cost to have it professionally built, which was way out of our range.   Leading up to Alan's business trip to the Philippines, I initiated numerous conversations about "the fence."  We would go outside together, look at where it would go, how high it might be, what materials we could use.  We would ...

He didn't say happy mother's day to me and for the most part, I'm okay with it. He's a teenager and the forgetful one at that. He's never been big on holidays, except for the ones he knows come with gifts for him. I guess in that way he's a normal kid. The thing about it is, I know that he thinks I'm an alright mom. He communicates this to me many ways. The way he feels comfortable sharing his feelings when it's just the two of us. The way he pushes back, shows that he feel safe with me. The way he asks for what he wants and needs reflects that he knows I will always do my best to prioritize his needs. He feels safe expressing his anger, frustration and fears without having to protect me. He knows I'm stable enough to handle it. He uses me as a resource. So even though I didn't get a silly card or a bouquet of flowers, or even a "Happy Mother's Day," I got him today, safe and thriving with his sweet smile and goofy sense of...

Creamy Roasted Butternut Squash Soup 1 butternut squash, about 2 pounds 1 large yellow onion 1 head of garlic 2 Tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1 to 2 teaspoons of dried thyme 3 to 4 cups vegetable or chicken broth Season to taste Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or aluminum foil. Wash the vegetables. Cut the squash in half vertically. Scrape the seeds out and discard. Cut each half into about 4 chunks for a total of 8 pieces. Cut the unpeeled onion in half vertically. Cut 1/2 inch off the top of the garlic head, exposing the cloves. Arrange the garlic, squash, and onion, cut side up, on the baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with thyme. Cover dish tightly with foil and bake until the squash is tender when pierced with a knife, about 45 minutes to 1 hour. After vegetables have cooled enough to handle, scrape squash off of the skin and into a food processor or blender. Discard the skin. Peel the skin off of the onion and trim the root...

While sitting with a colleague, consulting about a client, they intimated that the client probably felt safe because she was sitting with another colleague now, "who was the least intimidating thing there is." They then asked me if I wanted to return to the room and talk to the client or if they should. They again implied that since they were "a small person with a little green suit and wouldn't be seen as imposing," that perhaps they should return to the room instead. As these statements were made within moments of each other, it took everything in me to stay present in the conversation. I did a quick 2 second, "are you overreacting" evaluation in my head and quickly decided I wasn't. Regardless of the intent, the impact of both of these statements felt like an attack on my size and on my ability to sit present in a room and not be experienced as imposing or intimidating. I feel like I've gotten this message a lot throughout my life and t...

Hard to believe that this part of my journey has come to an end.  It all began in the spring of 2009, on somewhat of a whim.  I was leaving a job that I had once loved very much.  I was feeling angry and hurt about what the new leadership was choosing to enact and knew that leaving was my only choice.    At the same time that this important part of my life was ending, I was also preparing for the new life adventure of getting married.  I wasn't sure what the future held for me professionally, and I knew that I wanted a change. I had talked with my friends and colleagues about what my next steps might be.  I was trying to determine where I wanted to go, if I wanted to stay in the domestic violence field or if I wanted to explore something totally different.  As I continued to apply and interview for jobs, I kept getting feedback that I was qualified, and that what social services agencies wanted were MSW's that could supervise interns and staff. ...

I am studying for my LCSW exam.  I am actually scheduled to take it in the near future.  I am really nervous that I am going to fail it, so I haven't really told anyone.  That's the great thing about having a blog that not many people read.  I am able to get this out of my head, take a few deep breaths and just keep STUDYING!!

I did yoga for the first time today in a couple months and I am pretty sure that I pulled my armpit muscle.  I got use to a  fat yoga class  that was both challenging and restorative.  Unfortunately due to my new work schedule I can't make it those classes, so I was stuck with a gym class. It wasn't awful.  It was a small class.  The instructor was more woo than gym rat, which I totally appreciated.  There was no body diversity in the class, which was a bummer.  Otherwise it was an ok replacement for what I really wanted.  And truthfully, my body has been telling me for a few weeks now that it needs to move. Photo from the Internet