Sunday, April 17, 2011

Senioritis?

Absolutely. I find myself wavering between the feeling of extremely uncertainty about the future, post-grad school, and the feeling of complete exuberance that my every waking moment will no longer be a balance between internship, class, work, family and friends. I am having a hard time imagining what life will look like on the "outside."

I have taken to describing my life as a delicate balance. Everything is stacked into place and much like the game of Jenga, move one block too many and it will all come crashing down. That being said, I've almost finished the game! In a matter of weeks, two years of amazing support of my hubs and kiddo, my parents and friends will culminate in yet another masters degree. Life feels different this time around. I really do feel like we all worked hard to get this degree and I really want to celebrate everyone who helped me.

Alan carried a significant load of the emotional work on this one. He was there for me when I was exhausted and feeling like the end of the term was never going to come, with gentle enthusiasm. He slept on the couch when I was up late writing papers in my office/our bedroom. Alan made me tea, made me laugh and listened to me bitch about theory/class/the cost of books. He actually did some of the readings with me and challenged me through debate which helped me strengthen my beliefs. Sometimes he just left me alone to do what I needed to do with out making me feel guilty and sometimes he threw in a little guilt to even it out! :) I can't say enough how much I appreciate him and his support.

Gage has been a super kid. He has joined me for many hours of "library time" in the livingroom as I read thousands of pages of course readings. He has been patient when I wasn't always able to join in him and his dad on outings/games/activities. Gage asks me how my test/paper/presentations went with actual interest. Most importantly, he has been a firm reminder of the resiliency of people. We have both worked really hard the last two years to get ourselves to where we want to be.

My parents and friends, as usual, are amazing. They have been there to support me when I was feeling down and defeated. They checked in on me at the perfect times when I was feeling lost in my "school life." They took me to the beach, to game nights, bbq's and dinner. Most importantly, they never took it personally when I was checked out of "life" and into "school."

I also deep gratitude for the new friends I have made in the SSW. What an amazing bunch of smart, funny, passionate, intuitive, experienced, loving people. I have learned so much from you all. When I think back to all that we have encountered together - the loss of our colleague Katie in our first term together, the moving of the program, the pains of personal growth in such a public setting, the tragic loss of two professors in such a devastating manner and the impact that it had on the faculty/staff/students, the continuing challenge of remaining hopeful while we grapple with the oppression present in our institution. You have all been so gracious and open with who you are and who you want to be as we have moved through this experience together, and for that I am so very grateful.

It's been an amazing two years and I feel so much hope as I prepare to leave the proverbial nest of the SSW. I am not sure what is next, which for those of you who know me well, know that this a really tough place for me to sit in and I am doing it anyway. I am trying to stay present in this moment and appreciate what you all have shared with me, knowing that this particular adventure is ending and excitedly waiting to see what adventure is next.

No comments:

Post a Comment