It's mine so hush...

I have issues. No big surprise there. Who doesn't, really. I am usually pretty good about keeping said issues in check, but today that was so not the case. It started this morning when the groupon of the day was $149 for $1000 worth of laser hair removal. It seems innocuous enough, hair removal. People do it all the time. I have thought about doing it. My aunt and mother have both done it. But let me tell you, when I got to thinking about it, it took me on a very slippery slope which ended in tears. It started back when I was a senior in high school. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was camping at Dorena Lake with my parents and family. My Uncle Don was standing in front of me and grabbed one of my chin hairs, pulled it out and said, "What are you growing a beard?" I was mortified. I understand now that he wasn't trying to be mean or humiliate me, but in that moment, I just wanted to cry. I had spent my entire life up to that point tryin

There has been so much "stuff" going on in my life lately. Between loosing my job in August, the never ending custody process we are attending to, the normal challenges of being a parent, trying to maintain a happy healthy relationship with my husband while I am going to school, homework and internship woes - it is easy to go to a place where I feel encumbered. Overwhelmed is an understatement today. Today I turn 35. My morning started with a grouchy husband who was running late to work, me rushing around the house trying to prepare for our journey to my parents for the holiday weekend, finding a brand new container of ice cream in the refrigerator instead of the freezer and a crying spell in the middle of the kitchen. Not exactly what I had hoped my birthday would be like. But as trudged to the bus bundled up with tear streaked cheeks enjoying the quietness in the frigid fall air, I realized how blessed I am. This year has brought me many wonderful gifts. My first ful

Our lives have been filled with many firsts lately. When I thought about writing this post, I was thinking more about the firsts that Gage has been experiencing - outdoor school, middle school dances, mainstream classrooms, but the more I thought about it I am experiencing firsts as well. It's amazing how easy it is to lose sight of the newness of life when you are going 90 miles a hour ahead into the unknown. Gage went to outdoor school this past week. He was so excited about it. As long as I have known Gage, he has talked excitedly about outdoor school. His older cousin Jonah got to go a few years ago, and I think that is probably when the seed was planted in Gage's mind. He would bring it up randomly, but more so when we were preparing to go camping or were actually camping. He would hypothesize what it would be like to sleep away at camp with strangers, or whether he would like the food. Sometimes he would talk about the stuff he would like to do including archery

Team Mongoose decided to spread our pumpkin adventures over the course of two weekends! We tried to organize a pumpkin farm adventure with friends, but I failed to anticipate the craziness of an early Sunday morning at the farm. We did get to hang out with Kelly & Michael and Suzanna & April. Sweet Dizzle, Michael & Kelly's dog was along for the ride too. The Shattuck-Hardy Family started out with us, but it proved to be a little to overwhelming for the little ones. Better planning next years, meaning get there earlier and bring a wagon! All of that aside, it was a GORGEOUS October fall day. We couldn't have asked for better weather. The following weekend, Team Mongoose spent a rainy Friday night designing and decorating our pumpkins. Alan and Gage decided to go the fancy route and use a stencil to create their ghoulish pumpkin. Me, I stuck with the simple first grade look. Why change it up when I am so good at that!? ;) We had a really good time. Gage i

After two hours straight of the kiddo telling me all about his outdoor school adventures - every counselor he met, hike, stinky boy stuff he did - he tells me he learned a song that he "knew instantly" I would really like. I asked him to sing it to me, which he said he was too embarrassed to, but he really wanted me to read the lyrics. Check this out... " A penny's made of copper, love is made of hearts, magic is within us all, too soon we must depart, a magic love is in the air, the spirit round you flies, a magic penny means i care, your magic in my eyes. For a magic penny says the things no words can say, its a silent song of friendship that has grown, to someone who gives back to you, the love you gave away, a magic penny will never be alone For nothing can be had, from a penny you don't spend, love can never grow inside till given to a friend, i've learned so much from all of you, i wish this would not end, but if we learned to share our love, it wil

I think we all forgot what it was like when 2/3 of us are back in school and Alan works full-time. Now that Gage is in middle school and is mainstreaming, there is more homework to be done. Getting it done on time means something different than it did before. We are all working on getting our schedules figured out and making sure that our needs are being met. Co-parenting a middle school student is a bit more challenging too. They want more freedom, but there are also more responsibilities, both personally and academically. At Chateau du Mongoose we are trying to teach Gage how to manage multiple responsibilities and prioritization, both of which are challenging for adults to do, let alone an eleven year old. As I arrived home from class last night at 9:30pm and watched Gage and Alan put the final touches on his first big social studies project due this morning, I felt a mixture of pride and frustration. I was proud that with little struggle, Gage was getting the project done.

Well back into my first week of my final year of grad school. I am really excited to be back. I loved see old friends, and enjoyed meeting some new folks too! My classes are all great, the work load doesn't seem to overwhelming so far. I got to do two days at my internship, both of which were great. I am looking forward to getting to work with clients, hopefully sooner than later. On the work front, well not much going on there. I was notified by the employment department that I have qualified for the Training Unemployment Insurance program. It was created for displaced workers that could better their job situation if they got an associates or were less than two years from finishing their undergrad degree. I applied for the program last fall, but they denied me. I decided that I would try again this time and since I am over 1/2 done, they made an exception. All it means is that I do not have to actively be looking for work while I am in school. It doesn't give me a b

As I learned last school year, time flies when 2/3 of the family are in school! I wanted to make sure an log the adventures we do as a family, as sometimes we forget what we've been up too. My mom swears she can't remember the 80's because she was working full-time, raising kids, hauling us to girl/boy scouts, swimming, soccer, football etc. This is my new memory holder. :) Gage started middle school this year. It was decided that staying at his current school was the best idea.. It runs k-8. He seems to like it. We went to his Back to School night this week and got to meet all his teachers. They all think he is the bees knees and will do great at mainstreaming this year. He's a really smart kiddo for sure, but like any middle schooler can use some work on motivation! ;) The first week of school went well. We had Gage for two days, and had some fun. He told us all about his class. He has 8 people in his class and it's a mix of 6-8 graders. His old bes

I have been thinking a lot lately about stuff. What it means to be a step parent. What it means to be a step parent when you start parenting without children of your own. The challenges of balancing life, school, relationships and your desires. I just can't seem to get myself motivated to put it down on the screen. It just keeps rolling around in my head, which is often not a good thing. But now that I have it out here for the world to see (or at least the three of you that follow this blog) I have to commit to following up. Bear with me. I see these being conversations with myself, so they may not be that great. A work in progress, if you will. Kinda like me.

I spent 25 minutes on hold this morning waiting to find out about training program that is available for people who have lost their jobs and are enrolled in school full-time. When I finally got through the lady was super helpful, but at the end of the call notified me that my claim had been denied because I was in school. This information differed from what I was told on Friday afternoon at 4:30pm on my last call with the OED. The woman told me not to worry about it, fill out the paperwork and fax it back to her ASAP. I appreciate her sentiment, and for the time being I have enough resources in place not to worry about it, but what if I didn't? It really made me think again about the importance of the language I use as a social worker. Even with good intentions, I need to be aware of how it can feel like I am dismissing someone's very legitimate concerns, especially if they are in a place of high stress. Perhaps a simple, "that sounds really frustrating, here's w

I finally got through to the Employment Department today, just in time to learn that I would qualify for $116 a week in unemployment assistance. Wow, talk about feeling like I was kicked in the teeth. Had I not taken my most recent job and stayed on unemployment, I would have been bringing home $1,600 after taxes. But instead, I took a part-time job that had "guaranteed funding" until June 2011 and a pay-cut. Let's just say I am kicking myself a bit. What do they say, hind sight is 20/20...

This past weekend was the ending of our very short summer. Fortunately Alan had planned ahead and took Thursday and Friday off. We tried out kayaking for the first time and had a hoot of a time! We are both plotting and scheming how we can afford our own kayaks, but in the mean time, we are planning on renting from Next Adventure . Needless to say I was a little nervous going into this adventure, but our guides Jess and Nick were awesome. Super helpful guys that made the day amazing. As a fat girl I am always a little leery around the sporty folk. I consider myself pretty athletic and outdoorsy, but that can often get lost on others. No problems here. The guys were great at teaching me how to get into my boat with easy, using my core muscles to make paddling easier and just being great guides. I would totally recommend them! After our kayaking trip we loaded up the car, picked up the kiddo and hit the road to Eugene. Friday morning we were up early and headed to the beach f

My job ended yesterday. It was fairly abrupt and unexpected, but once I got over the shock I was ok with it. I am able to get unemployment and I have applied for a few jobs that would be interesting and more social work related. I have to admit it is easier this time. When I was laid off from BAH I was really angry about having to give up on something that I had worked so hard for and was so committed to. I was angry that the "new leadership" was so off base. I was scared about what was going to happen to me and whether or not we would be financially ok loosing so much income. But it all worked out in the end. We were ok, and I ended up being less angry. This time I have a clearer understanding of it all. I know how to work out a schedule. I know what I need to do to keep myself from going bonkers. I can just relax for a minute and reformulate my game plan. Now that I think about it, I am pretty sure this change will do me good. :)

Lots and lots of adventures and activities happening around the Mongoose household. August was a really busy month. Gage was with us for two weeks straight, which was a treat! We made sure to spend it wisely with lots of fun family activities. The first couple of days he got to spend with his maternal grandma. They went to the movies, played games and hung out together. From all of Gage's accounts it was a fantastic time. Upon his return home we had a nice bbq with the rests of his maternal side. Only bummer was it was the hottest weekend on record this year and we spent the afternoon chasing the coolest most shaded spots we could find in our backyard. Although we did have a splash war in the kiddie pool! The following day was spent trying to stay cool! In the morning, I got to have breakfast with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Amber. She is a roller derby girl in Eugene, and was up here for a weekend long competition. It was so nice to hang out for a couple of ho

Today is going to be spent finishing my paper due tomorrow. Oh yeah. Good times. I am really ready to be done with school for a minute. I just have to stay focussed today and get through this. I have to have it done by 5pm. I want to be free to hang out tonight with the boys. This is the beginning of Gage's two weeks with us! More on that later. Now it's a quick shower, breakfast and on to paper writing!

I suppose everyone says that, but I am really done with summer school this Thursday. I am so ready to not have to be engaged in homework for a while. I am really struggling to finish this last paper this term. It's only 8 pages, which shouldn't be trouble at all, but it is just staying motivated enough to get it done. Argh. Three more days, three more days, three more day - perhaps if I keep saying that it won't be so bad. ;)

Yesterday, August 8th, Alan and I celebrated our first year of marriage. We spent the day only doing the things we wanted to. The laundry, still unfinished from the day before, remained untouched. We left the dishes in the sink. We slept in late and took our time getting around in the morning. It was lovely. We then hopped on our bikes and headed across the river to the Chinese Gardens. After leisurely wandering through the quite and sereneness, we poked in and out of gift shops in bustling Old Town. In the heat of the afternoon sun, we headed up to the 30th floor for happy hour at the Portland City Grill. You could see three quarters of the city from a vantage often only witnessed by birds. The drinks were delicious and made our cheeks pink. Soon the crowded venue was no longer what we craved, so back on the bikes again to find a new spot to enjoy together. After an unintentional bypath through the streets of northeast, we arrived at Vendetta where Alan proceeded to share w

I grew up in a home where canning was the norm. I fell asleep many a night to the rattle and hiss of my mom's canner. She would can string beans, corn, home-made veggie stew and jam. It was so common place, I didn't think much about it as a kid. We had locally grown food year round. As I got older, I wanted to learn how to make my own food and can it. It seemed so tough to do. I surely didn't have the right supplies and I wasn't even sure what to do. Saturday, on our way to a party, we stopped into a QFC. They had this seemingly HUGE container of strawberries. Alan asked me twice if I was sure that I needed that many. I assured him that I did. He then asked me what I was going to do with them all. I confidently, for no apparent reason, answered "make jam!" I went on to use them in a couple of July 4th baking projects, but still had 3.75 lbs left. So this morning I googled strawberry jam and jumped right in! After a quick trip to Freddies to get

I can hardly believe it's almost July. With the grey cooler weather and me being in summer school, it seems like we aren't really haven't reached summer yet. I am hoping the weather will change up a bit. We have had a few days of sun, which has been lovely. I am hoping it sticks around next week when the kiddo comes back. Speaking of the kiddo, it's been fun having him a week at a time. Our summer schedule is a week with mom then a week with dad. It so nice having him around. Plus, being here for a week gives us some good time together. We get to settle in more as a family. With the old schedule, it seemed like we were always going at a break neck pace to fit in all the stuff families want to do together and in our Friday night through Sunday 8am restrictions, there was never enough time. Our first week of summer together we got to do some bbq-ing, adventures around town, Gage got a hair cut that he picked out himself, we got him a few more clothing items to

It's been a busy few weeks. All of us on Team Mongoose wrapped up school. Papa Mongoose did really well in his writing class. It was a tough go of it, getting back in the school routine, but it paid off with a big ol' A. Lil' Mongoose finished up school yesterday. He is officially a middle schooler now. I got my grades back yesterday and was really proud. Although I wasn't able to get that elusive 4.0, I did get an A, and two A- so I can't really complain. Today is the first day of our new summer parenting time schedule. Gage will be with us 1 whole week at a time. It's kind of exciting. Our time together is often so short and couched in school that we don't get to have downtime to hang out. We have enrolled him in camp for a week in August which sounds like so much fun to me. Lots of swimming and activities. The week Gage and I are spending today, tomorrow and Monday by ourselves. We have a pretty adventure packed day today and we have kickball

Today I finished the last of my 500 hours of internship for first year. We have to complete 1000 hours over the course of the two year program. It feels good to be done with the first half. I had a great year. I got to work in two very interesting programs and learn a host of new information and skills. I have to say that I am really looking forward to next year. I am excited to be interning at Sexual Assault Resource Center (SARC). I have a list of reading for August and September, once I finish up summer term. I get to attend training in October too. I am so excited to do this work. YAY Me!

It was so much fun to get out of town this weekend! It was like we were newlyweds again. When we pulled out of Portland it was pouring and gray. As we rolled into Lincoln City it was sunny with fluffy little white clouds rolling by. We headed immediately to the beach to enjoy the big glowing orb in the sky. After a walk down the beach we headed to Chinook Winds Casino to check in. We got a great room with an awesome view of the beach. Alan opened the windows and we didn't close them until we left this morning. It was so lovely to listen to the crashing waves as I fell asleep last night. I slept like a baby. We had fun playing slots, poker and blackjack. No big wins, but definitely had a good time. This morning we enjoyed the new Pig N'Pancake in Lincoln City before heading back home. We decided to stop off and Spirit Mountain Casino and see what it was like. We played a few hands, but decided that it was just too smokey for us. We jumped back on the road and head

Alan and I are finally getting away for a night to the beach! We are so excited. We get to pretend we are newly weds again. I'll post pictures upon our return.

This weekend we are heading over the mountain to see Grams. With the parenting time schedule that we have, we are only able to go away one weekend a month. This month we chose to visit my paternal Grandmother in Redmond. It's supposed to be a lovely weekend in the high desert. We will all have a great time. The boys love the neighborhood as there is great biking and parks. Grams loves having her family around her. So it works out to be a win win situation. Tonight we are packing a picnic dinner to take with us and will hopefully find a nice spot to pull over and eat at. Tomorrow, depending on what Grams needs done, we are talking about hiking up Pilot Butte and the boys want to check out the skate park. We are planning on meeting up with Aunt Jill and Uncle John, some of the cousins and their kiddos. It's going to be a fun family weekend!

How did I learn how to be grateful? Until recently, it was a rare day that I would celebrate the absolutely mundane gifts I received on a daily basis. I did not even view them as gifts. I expected them - a roof over my head, food in my belly, transportation, clothing, the love of my family and friends. I rarely ever stopped to think about what gifts each of those are. I know I am lucky. Where as life has not always been easy breezy, it sure has afforded me some rich wonderful experiences. I have two amazing parents who have spent their lives doing the very best that they could to make mine and my brother's lives happy and healthy. This doesn't mean they were perfect. This doesn't mean there weren't times when our life as a family didn't feel desperate or painful. It means that life was complicated and my parents did their best. One of the amazing gifts they gave me was the gift of gratitude. My parents struggled through out my childhood financially. They

Last weekend we all decided that Gage's room needed a little revamping. Gage was tired of his loft bed. We spent some time online looking for beds. He found one at IKEA that he liked, so after a quick trip to pick it up we put his new room together. The before picture... Cleaning stuff out... Dad puts the bed together...IKEA is never easy! The cool new space!