It's mine so hush...

My mother sent me the cutest email today. "I get it. Let Alan read your christmas letter and he'll get it too. I was trying to reduce the excess clothing in my drawers and came across every mother's day card you ever created in grades 1-5. I am truly a PackRat. But these were the highlights of your creations. We do share a special connection. Hopefully there will be some insight for Alan that kids can argue with you but still love you. and yes you have been drawing on your body forever. You are my most colorful child...." In the email she included the following: (see, even at an early age I was preparing for my 1st tattoos!) It was a lovely little gift. It came on the heals of a conversation we had while she was here for the holidays. I was trying to explain how my husband and I have different ways of viewing and handling holidays. I understand his reasoning and respect where he comes from. I tend to run on full speed into November. B...

Apparently the kiddo's birthday party yesterday was well received... We are still working on the "Thank-you," part of being a kid. He get's it about 1/2 the time, unprompted. This sticky note on his bedroom door was pretty awesome when I went to wake him up this morning.

Today, about an hour ago Solstice began! From here until Summer Solstice the days will be getting longer - woohooo. I love winter. I love this time of year. I wasn't always a solstice celebrator. I have Stacy Bias to thank for that. Five years ago she hosted a Solstice party and invited me along. She asked us all to come prepared with the things we wanted to manifest into our lives and the things we wanted to let go of. I took her suggestion very seriously and for weeks leading up to the party spent time collecting my thoughts, narrowing down what I wanted and becoming very specific about what I was asking for. When I arrived that night, Stacy had a collection of beautiful stationary and pens for us to write our desires on. I remember pulling out my little list from my pocket and writing everything down in two columns. I was very proud of what I had come up with and felt very hopeful for the upcoming year. Around midnight, we all gathered in the very cold and clear new...

I have been thinking about doing this for a while. I have decided to extract myself from Facebook. At first I thought I would take myself off all together, but now I realize that I don't think I can do that. It's become an important tool to connect with resources, if nothing else. I did decide to take the application off my phone last week, and I am feeling good about that decision. That being said, I still pick up my phone expecting to see some sort of notification from FB. I felt like I was going through withdrawls earlier this week, and now less so. I was talking with my bestie Kelly this weekend and I was sharing how disconnected I am feeling from people. I spend all day with my colleagues, who are lovely individuals, and they are not my people (barring a small handful I have known since grad school). I am not playing kickball or bowling, so those folks are no longer around. I am not cheerleading or active in what remains of the Fat Activism community. I am not i...

So, I did cut it. It's somewhere between the two pictures I posted earlier. I call it my "Inner Amy Williams." A-Dubs, as she is known, has the best hair all the time. Slightly shaggy and always stylish. I hope I can rock it as well as she can. I'll have to take some pics this weekend and post them. I also want to write a real update. Lots of changes around here. I'm diggin' life right now.

This happens to me all the time. I spend two years growing my hair out and they I want to cut it off. I know that I am low maintenance girl. I like a wash and go look. When I grow it out, I end up pulling it up everyday. I am thinking I want to go back to something I have had before. Not too short, and not long. Here are two styles that I liked a lot. Thoughts? My hair is dark red and my bangs are currently a bit shorter than either one of these photos and will look good with either style.

I am trying a post from my cell phone!  Let's see how this works...

Tomorrow is my 36th birthday. How'd I get here so fast? :)

I am slowly getting my sea legs. I am getting better at rolling with the tide instead of trying to stand so straight. Life is changing in ways that feel good. I am struggling here and there, but isn't that apart of life? I want to get back to blogging. It's one of the many things that was put on the back burner the last few months. As for a quick update, that I will elaborate on later, I graduated in June, took a fulltime job as a therapist in July, bought a house in August, and moved-in in September. It's been a busy couple of months. Lots of change and growth.

We are buying a house. In fact, we close this week and will have keys in our hands this coming Friday at 5pm. I am both overwhelmed by the process of buying a house and the actual moving part. We are doing pretty good. For the most part, we have shared the duties of packing pretty equally. I have picked up the slack the last two days and I know that he will do most of the heavy lifting come the end of the week, so it all works out in my mind. I am ready to get settled in. It's a much bigger space than we have been living in for the last few years, which is really exciting. We have all been on top of each other and it's hard not to be in each others space in our little apartment. At the new house we have four bedrooms. Two are upstairs in the "master suite" as we like to call it. Two more are on the main floor. One will be the kiddo's room and the other the guest/family room. There is a much bigger kitchen, a breakfast nook, and actual dining room area...

Here is the little video Alan took of my speech yesterday. I was soooooo nervous. I wish I would have smiled a little more, but over all, I think I did a pretty good job.

Dear friends, family, colleagues and mentors. I am so excited to be here today to celebrate with you, the end of this amazing adventure. As some of you witnessed on Facebook, I have been counting down the days for a few weeks now. Ok, maybe more like a few months. It wasn’t because I wanted out of class time or to be finished writing papers – well, maybe the paper part. But really, like many of you, I am eager to begin the next great adventure. Like most of us, I entered this program eager about the possibilities of what was to come. I appreciated the exciting process of grappling with new ideas, trying on theories, and experimenting with who I wanted to be as a social worker. I feel grateful that throughout this experience I was able form relationships that I knew would nourish me personally and professionally for the rest of my life. Yet, during this same exhilarating time of personal growth and development, we experienced the heartbreaking loss of valued members of our socia...

Wow! Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I am done with grad school, again. In ten short days I'll be walking across the stage receiving my diploma. It seems so surreal. This time two years ago, I had just left BAH and literally on a whim, had applied for the MSW program. I had been talking about doing it for a couple of years, but I already had a Masters, and a job that I loved, so why bother. Then when BAH hired a new ED and it became crystal clear that we were not going to be able to work together in a meaningful fashion, I took the opportunity to get out. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but everywhere I applied, they wanted a MSW, not and MPA even with 12 years of experience. So back to school I went. I am really glad that I made that choice. I am so lucky that I was afford the opportunity the way I was. The universe has a plan for me, of this I am sure. I have been blessed with amazing internships, part-time jobs that have helped keep our family afloat, a ...

I've had a heavy heart lately. I know that it's a mixture of transition, disappointment, frustration and fear. All of it leaves me feeling unsure and sad. Normally I approach change with an open heart, but I am just not able to reach that spot right now. I am hoping that some of it is simply stress of the term ending and with the submission of my final portfolio, that these feelings will be lessened. I am hoping that with settling into a new pattern of life, I will be able to address it in a meaningful way. But, right now I am more inclined to lay on the bed screaming, "life's not fair!" A pretty thought, am I right? I know I have been here before. I also know that life will get better. Yet right now, it's taking all I have to live simply, gently and at home in myself. So, I am going to take my mama's advice and go lay on my bed for a while and remind myself, that this too shall pass.

Today I have done absolutely nothing related to school and it feels great! I really should to be writing my last paper, but you know what, I'm not. I needed this day. I haven't had a day like this in almost two years. I woke up early, took a shower and crawled right back into bed. I watched really questionable TV for three hours before convincing my hubs he should crawl back in bed with me. We had a long lunch out, including the yummiest dessert ever. After which I indulged him by accompanying him to Home Depot and not complaining once. Then we came home and tinkered around the apartment. I attempted to give Marty a hair cut (poor dog!) and bath while the hubs played video games, we planted flowers and cut some wood for our chiminea. Next on the agenda is a trip to PetSmart and a stop at YoCreme. Then we'll come home and lay on the couch all evening watching Season 1 of Six Feet Under before dragging ourselves to bed too late. Tomorrow I will return to working o...

It's been a rough morning around here. Team Mongoose struggles with Sundays. Lots of transitions happen on Sundays. Someone is either coming or going and that increases anxiety. When I look at it with my therapist brain, it makes total sense. Transition is hard, even when you are prepared for it. Transitioning between what might seem like two completely different cultures, even harder. I am starting to feel anxiety about Sundays, which is a shame. It's one of my goals, when I have a life back that no longer includes mandatory readings and paper writing, to really start working on this. We have to find a new way to manage this in our home. Perhaps a celebration aspect could be added? I am not sure. Anyone out there have ideas? I would be in very deep appreciation for any wisdom you could offer.

Absolutely. I find myself wavering between the feeling of extremely uncertainty about the future, post-grad school, and the feeling of complete exuberance that my every waking moment will no longer be a balance between internship, class, work, family and friends. I am having a hard time imagining what life will look like on the "outside." I have taken to describing my life as a delicate balance. Everything is stacked into place and much like the game of Jenga, move one block too many and it will all come crashing down. That being said, I've almost finished the game! In a matter of weeks, two years of amazing support of my hubs and kiddo, my parents and friends will culminate in yet another masters degree. Life feels different this time around. I really do feel like we all worked hard to get this degree and I really want to celebrate everyone who helped me. Alan carried a significant load of the emotional work on this one. He was there for me when I was exhausted...

I can hardly believe that I only have three more months, or 68 days to be exact, before I finish this masters program. During Joys and Sorrows last Sunday, I shared with my congregation that it was a joy to be finishing up this part of my life and a joy that my family has been so supportive through this process. After the sermon I had several people approach me to congratulate and inquire about how I felt about the process. My response is always a mixed bag of emotions and experiences. I sort of fell into the MSW program. When change was happening at BAH and the opportunity to take a voluntary lay-off presented itself, I wasn't sure what was to be next. I knew that BAH was changing into something I was no longer going to be able to stand with. So being able to leave without (too much) drama was a good thing. As I began searching for other jobs, it quickly became apparent that an MSW was important in this town. It was frustrating that even with a Masters in Public Administr...

I was asked to speak on a panel about fat activism and the health at every size (HAES) movement. I am really excited as I have been involved in some pretty amazing activism in my life. I had to write a "short" bio about myself. It was a weird thing to have to do, but here is what I came up with and I hope it sums me up correctly... "Liv has spent her life learning to love the body she is in and helping others recognize the power within themselves. It doesn't matter if it's radical cheerleading with F.A.T.A.S.S., building community through her work with FatGirl Speaks, or effecting change through her commitment to social justice in social work; Liv is dedicated to creating a world where everyone feels valued exactly the way they are."

I am just weeks into my second to last term of grad school. This term in my advance practice class we are doing family of origin work. The idea is that we are exploring our family history and how it impacts the work we do. Hopefully, the goal is, as we move forward in our practice to be aware of where working with individuals may be hard and where we might experience transference and counter-transference. I am not sure why I thought it would be such a great idea to sign up to present first or why I chose to talk about Alzheimers, but I did. So this afternoon I am presenting my family genogram and talking about how Alzheimers has impacted my family. Below is the narrative I wrote to share with my peers. It's going to be a bit intense today around 1pm, so if you have some extra positive energy to send my way, I would truly appreciate it. “Alzheimer's is a brain disease that causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior.” As long as I can remember Alzheimers has been ...

I have to say I am really glad that 2011 has arrived. Last year, well it was a bit of a beast. I am ready for a fresh start and all the potential 2011 holds. I have been thinking a lot about what I would like to do this year and started a list. This is by no means exhaustive, but it's stuff that has been rolling around in my head for a while. Participate in the Oddfellows June Triathlon Graduate in June with my Masters in Social Work Be working full-time by the end of the year Continue working on my parenting skills Start a Step Parenting support group Sew something Read a book for pleasure Continue working on my communication skills Camping! Go to the beach Crater Lake Pay off a credit card Have comprehensive health insurance paid for by my employer Create community Get more in touch with my spiritual side Be more creative Take a class/workshop for pleasure Move my body daily Get my knee repaired! Go dancing Surprise myself Quit holding back I know there is more in me, but ...