It's mine so hush...

This furthers my desire to have Taylor as a little sister.  I think we would have so much fun being Pollyannas together! :-)

I swear I meant to send out cards this year.  Since I hadn't had the time last year, I actually bought cards in October this year to ensure that I would get them out.  I even bought stamps!  Yet, life doesn't always play out the way you think it will. Anyway, on with the year end update! The year started pretty slow.  Gage was plugging along through his first year of High School.  It was a big adjustment from a tiny K-8 to on of Oregon's largest high schools.  He was involved in stage craft class and got to assist in several school productions.   We also learned that Alan's job would be ending in June.  Knowledge Universe, the company he's spent almost 11 years working for, decided to outsource his department to the Philippines.  Alan seemed to take it all in stride and was looking forward to the change, and I'll admit, I spent the next 6 months worrying about what was going to happen!  I also took a part-time job at the National C...

The weather has been so strange here in the NW.  We had the longest summer ever, then overnight it was freezing.  We had a patch of snow then ice and now we have mellowed back into our cool-ish rainy season.  All this to say dressing in layers is the way to go.   I injured my back and was struggling to feel good and find clothes that I could wear comfortably all day.  Here are a few of my favorites of recent! Skirt, Leggings & Scarf:  Lane Bryant Tank:  Old Navy Sweater:  Kohls Blue wrap, Leggings, Scarf & Boots:  Lane Bryant Skirt:  The Avenue Vest:  Fred Meyer Jeans & Boots:  Lane Bryant Sweater Hoodie:  Torrid Vest:  Fred Meyer Boots & Jeans:  Lane Bryant Love Shirt:  Torrid Vest:  Fred Meyer

I shared before my crazy work schedule. I'm currently working two jobs.  One full-time 40 hours a week in the afternoon/evenings and one part-time 12 hours a week in the mornings. This doesn't leave me much time for anything really, other than working. I've had to become pretty regimented in meal preparation, otherwise I would never get the decent homemade meal Monday through Friday. Every two weeks I sit down and plan dinners for next two weeks and then go grocery shopping accordingly. The week after a big shop is my favorite. It's usually when I try new recipes.  Today is one of my favorites, vegetarian enchiladas! The hard part is going to be waiting for dinner break to eat it. :-)

I got super sick last week.  I think that comes with working in an urgent walk-in clinic.  You run the risk of coming into contact with more sick folks.  Anyway, I did my best this week to dress in the "fake it until you make it style" to get through feeling crummy and still having to be at work.   I use this tool often in my life. It helps me get through when things feel overwhelming or I'm unsure or I'm super anxious.  I feel that sitting with discomfort is not something that we as a society are very good at anymore. It seems that in this "I should be able to get anything I want whenever I want it culture," the idea we may have to be uncomfortable for a while is unheard of.  As I continue working on sitting with discomfort, little things like fashion create a space for me.  If I am in comfortable clothes, I can focus on being present in my feelings and pay attention to what may be bringing me discomfort and how I might change it.  If I am a...

I have fallen in love with  Pinterest .  I was late to the game, much like I was with Facebook, however once I arrived I hit the ground running.  Like many people, I started using it for recipes, then when we bought our house I started pinning ideas for how to garden, patch dry wall and other adventures.  However it was until recently when I started my "journey to fashion" if you will, that I found out how amazing it was for inspiring new outfits. Check out this example! This was the original that I totally fell in love with  her  outfit! This was my first attempt. I have struggled finding the perfect striped shirt.  This is a chevron shirt by  Avenue .  The jeans and jacket are both  Lane Bryant This was my second attempt after finding a stripped shirt at  Lane Bryant .

I try to make it to  Fat Yoga  every Saturday.  Due to my ridiculous work schedule, I can't make classes during the week so Saturday mornings are precious to me.  There is something magical the happens in that time and space and when I miss it, I feel like I have missed out in some sort of cosmic cleansing and emotional refueling. I have been doing yoga off and on for nearly 20 years and never has it felt quite like this.  The owner,  Anna , is a magic maker.  She invites us back into our bodies, which on more than one occasion has brought me to tears.  Anna reminds us, as we move through poses, of how strong we are and how we deserve to be here today taking up space.  She encourages us to grow in our love of our bodies.  She challenges us to trust our bodies and to listen closely to them.  She creates a space for rich conversations to happen, where we can safely explore what we don't know and continue our journey to being allies ...

I have always loved dressing up.  My mom has awesome pictures of me a child in frilly dresses.  I loved having my bone-straight towhead blonde hair up in pink curlers the night before an event and then watching them fall in to bouncy curls the next day.  In my teens it was getting dressed up in my gowns for Job's Daughters, or singing at weddings and in the choir which required emerald green and black taffeta dresses with sweetheart necklines and poofy sleeves. Frilly dress and curls circa 1978 Somewhere between adolescences and adulthood it changed.  I have been reflecting back and think it was upon my return from living a year abroad.  I feel like I changed a lot that year.  I got pierced and tattooed.  I feel like I came into my identity as someone who was not straight (it wasn't until college that I fully embraced my queerness!). I became a much more whole being during that time, exploring and embracing more complicated facets of who I was in...

Today I was looking through the pictures I have loaded to my computer thus far in my fashion/body pos blogging journey, and this is what my screen looked like. I started giggling with giddiness.  I don't think I have ever seen 36 pictures of myself in (mostly! - but that post is literally for another day) clothes that I love and a smile on my face.  Oh, I have a selfie here and there and some lovely engagement/wedding photos and nothing quite like this.  I have to say that the more I do this project, the more comfortable I have become with my body and aware of my feelings about my body. That might sound funny to those of you who read this and know about my body journey, and it's true! For many years I have had an ambivalent relationship with my body. I have both loved and loathed it.  In public and among my peers in the Fat Activist/HAES movement I was full of pride and joyfully presented myself.  Strong, confident and outgoing - all words used to descri...

It's been a rough week.  Not just rough, but truly soul aching.  People in my life, both personally and professionally have been struggling and sometimes it is hard to bear witness to.  With the recent suicide of Robin Williams, the talk of depression and suicide have been on the forefront of social media, the news and many conversations this week.  I am so glad people are talking, sharing their feelings and creating space for dialog to happen.  Also, I am feeling super tender about it.  I feel like I have very few spaces where this conversation is not happening all the time. There has also been the brutal murder of Mike Brown, a young black man, by a police officer in Ferguson Missouri.   By all accounts he was a good kid, getting ready to go to college like thousands of other kids this fall and arguably due to racism, is now dead.  Not only has his bright star been dimmed, but a whole community is suffering because of it.  I don't know ho...

I need to work on my self-care.  I am really good at talking game with others, however when it comes to ensuring my own well being, I am not always the best.  I stay up too late, haven't found a way to fit in exercise - beyond my weekly yoga class at  Fat Yoga  which is awesome - just not enough and I have an ever growing afternoon Diet Coke habit, just to name a few.  Needless to say I am working on it, it's just tough. I am currently balancing between two jobs.  One is a fulltime, benefitted job in community mental health, where I get to do some really interesting work with people who are mainly in crisis.  My second job 12 hours a week is working with naturopathic medical school students, in a student mental health clinic.  I love this as it is less crisis oriented and gives me the opportunity to build therapeutic relationships.  I also get to provide supervision to student interns who are broadening their skill set while preparing for a...

The lovely view from our back deck...  The one above is my favorite.  It looks like lace to me!